Creating Happy and Loved Children Using the 5 Love Languages

Happy Kids by Using the 5 Love Languages

One of the top goals parents have is for their children to be happy.

Creating Happy and Loved Children Using the 5 Love Languages.

When children are younger it is simpler for most of us parents to reach this goal of  happiness. Reasons for this include: cheaper toys, easier conversations, and smaller time demands (driving them to events, etc.) As it is with most aspects of life, things get more complicated the older we become. Therefore, we as parents need to work hard to love and teach our kiddos how to work toward that goal of happiness from the start. We want to build them a good base with love so that happiness can grow.

There is a great book called The 5 Love Languages. It is more about adult relationships, but it can be adapted to any human relationship. My Aunt gave me this book as an engagement gift and I refer to it often. The author, Gary Chapman, worked with Ross Campbell to write The 5 Love Languages of Children. Both are great resources and I will be using their 5 main ideas to give you some examples on how to build that loving base for your kiddos to grow happiness. I’ll give some examples of how us moms might relate to the love language and then some for the kiddos.

 

The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts The 5 Love Languages of Children

(Affiliate Ads are included) 

Here are The 5 Love Languages:

1. Words of Affirmation-

For a mom this could be: a loving Mother’s Day card, an encouraging text from a friend, or even that very first “I love you” from our kiddos. Ways you can give this to your child include: an encouraging mantra before getting onto the bus in the morning, praise for learning a new skill or really any behavior you want to encourage, and even encouraging words of reassurance when they are disappointing us with their behavior.

2. Quality Time-

For a mom this could be: talking and walking with a friend, watching a movie with the hubby, or having a dinner date. Ways to give this to your child include: family meal times, board games, bedtime stories, and asking questions about their day. Spending time to teach them skills for future independence could also be included in this category. Feeling proud of mastering a skill is a sure way to build happiness.

3. Receiving Gifts-

For a mom this could include: “just because” flowers, a new box of wine from the hubby, or a new book you’ve been wanting to read. Ways you can share this with your child include: birthday gifts and other holiday treats, or really any other “just because” present you may treat them to. Just be sure to do this in moderation. Too much can result in dependence and negative behavior. If they get a new toy every time you go shopping, it will be expected and no longer a treat.

4. Acts of Service-

For a mom this could be: hubby taking out the trash, cooking dinner, or doing dishes. Oh, I also love when he pumps my gas for me! I hate that chore. It is harder to think of examples for our children that are outside of their normal every day needs, like feeding, clothing and sheltering them. Some extra ways to show acts of service for your child include: helping them with a special project or game and taking them to hang with a friend or other special event.

5. Physical Touch-

For mom this could be: romantic time with your partner, a big sloppy toddler kiss, or a warm hug from a friend. Ways to share with your kiddos could be: a goodnight hug and kiss, a reassuring back rub or hand hold, a congratulatory high five or even a boo-boo healing kiss.

These 5 love language ideas are great ways to build the base for growing happiness in your children. As I mentioned under the Receiving Gifts heading, we as parents need to make sure we are giving a good mix of these ideas to our kiddos. There is a possibility of too much of a good thing. Moderation is helpful, and that is why it’s great to have 5 different ways to build that happiness.

Also, every kid is different. Some may really respond more to one type of the 5 languages than another. Some don’t like to be touched, so the hugs and kisses won’t have the same effect. In the books, the authors have included a short quiz to figure out which of the love languages are more dominant in a person. Go try out the quiz with your kiddo to see which language may work best for you both!

Take the Love Language Quiz Here!<———–

Quick Review
1. Words of Affirmation
2. Quality Time
3. Receiving Gifts
4. Acts of Service
5. Physical Touch

These kiddos of ours are amazing blessings, and it is truly overwhelming when I think of the responsibility that we must help make them the best they can be for this world. Using these ideas to spread the love and happiness are helpful, especially when life throws difficulties and stress our way.

I have written two other blogs about connecting with your kiddos. If you want to check those out for ideas go for it!

The Benefits of Connecting with Your Kids<————-

Connecting on Days You “Just Can’t”<——————

Remember, if you want more info on this topic to check out these two books I mentioned. Here are the links to the books again!

3 Mother’s Day Reminders for Mothers

3 Reminders for Moms on Mother's Day. 1.Treat Yo-Self! Spend some time and/or money on you.

2.Time is fleeting. Do your best to enjoy it and make mom life fun!

3.Go Back to your Momma roots. Thank your own mother (or the closest thing to one).

So let me break them down, 3 Mother’s Day Reminders for Mothers.

1.Treat Yo-Self

It’s not often we as moms get something new for ourselves, or get to spend some guilt-free time alone. Usually the kiddos are first on our minds. Even though our walking shoes have a hole and leggings are our only pants that fit now, the kids’ favorite snack or sporting event takes first place in our minds, and sometimes the budget. Make sure on Mother’s Day that you take some time or money to get what you need or: GASP: what you want!

It is way easier to have patience when you are comfortable (in those new shoes), relaxed (after some alone time shopping) and excited (to try out that new bottle of wine after bedtime). This concept was especially hard for me when my kiddos were babies. I nursed both until a little over a year old, and this made leaving them stressful! So, I had to do short trips and treated myself to things I needed more often than I did to the things I wanted. Now, wine and escaping are top priority.

We will call this the Mother’s Day evolution.

I’m sure it will evolve again when they are a lot older and it will be about having them with me again. So, follow this rule the best you can according to where you are in motherhood and Treat-Yo Self! (Steph, I always think of you when I say this. Miss you!)

2. Time is Fleeting

Things move so fast in this world, us mothers need to remember to slow down and enjoy sometimes! Starting this blog has gotten me distracted from my kiddos. I have been feeling guilty about not giving them the same amount of attention and maybe relying on the screen time more than I would like. I went to have a visit with someone who has been in my tribe since my birth – one of my many amazing Aunties!

We were talking about one thing or another, and she mentioned how her mother was the best at making everything a game. She told me of how they always had a dress-up fashion show complete with cookies and tea in the bedroom. This was her way of changing over the kids wardrobe for each season. Making the pain-in-the-butt tasks, having to see what still fits and enticing the kids to change clothing styles from warm to cool layers, a fun and playful experience!

This was such a great reminder to me.

With all the stress of things to get done, I had fallen into just going through the motions; forgetful of my own advice to keep that connection with the kiddos. After doing my writing for that day, I needed to write a grocery list and make dinner.

I decided to take a page from my Auntie’s book and try to make these tasks fun enough to enjoy with the kiddos. I wrote the list while they drew pictures of what they thought should be on the list. My 5-year-old loved this and proceeded to draw me 5 pages of blueberries. Then we made tuna salad for dinner, so it was super easy for them to take turns adding ingredients and stirring it up. They loved that mom and dad were the ones who had to say, “thank you for cooking dinner”. My daughter even ate three big bites of the sandwich since she made it. That would never have happened otherwise! I got things done and the kiddos had fun with me.

Grandma Quotes
“Time is Fleeting.”

My grandmother always tells me, “time is fleeting.” It goes by so quickly, we need to remember to enjoy it. Soon enough we are onto the next evolution of motherhood, where they will ignore our homemade fun for friends.

3.Take it back to your roots.

Be sure to remember to thank your own mother (or the closest thing) on Mother’s Day. One of the important parts to growing and keeping your tribe strong is to take the time to make sure those in it feel special, listened to, wanted, and loved. My momma is a crucial member of my tribe. I see and talk to her often. She especially likes to have help with her projects, so the kiddos and I are going over to spend time with her and work in her garden.

I’m sure she has gone through many of the Mother’s Day evolution. Most recently, the evolution where her kids are grown and trying to make it in this busy world. Therefore, Mother’s Day sometimes takes the back burner.  I’m glad I can go spend time with her on this day. I like to think about my grandmothers as well. They have a wealth of knowledge and mom experience, and today is a great day to reflect on that.

I love to hear stories about my Gram Carlita who had 4 babies and ran the show at her home. And my Grandma, I can still hear stories from her! LUCKY!! She is one of the sweetest, most amazing people I have ever met. She had 8 kids, all about a year apart (give or take). I could probably write an entire blog just using her advice and stories alone. Look for some featured posts in the future.

Just remember to take time for the lady that is the mom to your tribe. The one that taught me how to mom, along with a whole bunch of other important life skills. I’m so proud and thankful for mine! Love you Mom!

 

Mother's Day
3 Reminders for Moms on Mother’s Day

Mother’s Day Gift Ideas- Treat Yo Self!! Affiliate Ad Links



If you haven’t already go check out this post about “My Tribe”!

Connecting on Days You “Just Can’t”

We all have those days when sickness, that time of the month or any other stress just makes patience and connecting with your kiddo seem impossible. Even the kids themselves can make this hard. Terrible 2’s are mighty difficult. 

4 Ways to Connect on Days You Just Can’t

Connecting with the kids on days when you just can't.

Here are some fun ideas for when you are feeling like an unmotivated slug and they need you.

This post contains affiliate links. No extra money for you to shop using my link. Thanks!

1. Be Lazy.

Just lay on the floor or sofa, really wherever they are playing. Movement on your end can be very minimal. You may have to hold a Barbie or a car but that’s about it. Bonus points for having a pillow and blanket with you. Pillow forts are great for this as well. They have fun and you can just lounge out in there, maybe taking a few shut eye moments on the sly. Here is a link to a princess pop-up tent we love, and I can fit in there with my legs out the door.

Kid Sleeping on Mom.

2. Simple Distractions.

In the car, during one of those moments when everyone is losing their mind and you can’t stop, turn the radio up and SING! Usually it calms my kiddos right away or I can get them singing instead of screaming. I’m sure most of you have some special song that grabs their attention instantly, and if you don’t have this cued up in your brain or on your phone (for those of us who can’t sing) then you should. Even just going for a drive to change the scenery can be a way to be together but let you have some mental and physical space from kiddo demands. If you have Amazon Prime, they have a great music app you can use to save all your favorite songs to your phone! Download Amazon Music here! The app is free with plenty of good songs if you have Prime!

3. Screen Time (In moderation of course).

Just watch movies and chill on the sofa. My kiddos will snuggle me for a good while before moving on to play or needing a snack. It works even better if you talk to them about what you are watching and it’s something they are super into. Screen time is everywhere these days and the pressure/ guilt about it is mighty real. I try hard to moderate it, so we are not going overtime and creating little screen zombies.

My son loves the Lego games and he enjoys it double when I play with him. I like to watch and play with him, so we can have that connection about it. Talking about the goals we meet in the game as we are playing, or our favorite parts of the movie or show we are watching can be good conversation starters. Our favorite video games are Lego Star Wars: The Force Awakens and Lego Marvel Super Heros.

4. Encourage that independence.

Before hunkering down into the “I can’t move” position, prep some snacks and drinks in easy to reach places so when they need it, they can get it. Be sure to use things with lids. And when they are still little, snacks they can reach but still must bring to you for opening is the key to me for preventing spillage. Here are some of the things we like to use for independent snack retrieval and storage.



These are just ideas I use with my kiddos. Every kid is different and I’m sure y’all have some great thoughts we can add to this list. Comment!!!

We are only human and can’t be 100% all the time. It’s good for our kids to learn to slow down and that parents need to have quiet time too.

Here is a related post I wrote on the benefits of connecting with your kiddos.

My Tribe: An Introduction

I want to talk about my idea of a “tribe”. It means so much to me and is an important part of my mom identity. This is not just the mom tribe but really the group of women that help support each other through life.

Every woman needs some level of a tribe! You send her occasional goofy memes or snap chats when you think of each other, a girlfriend whom you don’t see often but feels like you never left each other when you do get to meet up, or even the woman you call or see in person every day to discuss every detail of your life (for some, this is mom). Imagine this in a 0-5 scale. The lady who makes you feel special because they were thinking of you -all the way to the one who gives you advice about some of your most intimate moments. These relationships are so important to me.


We as humans need relationships with each other, women especially with other women. I read a blog post almost a year ago about how we are hard-wired to need that community, or village as the author called it in her article (I’ll try to link it up at the bottom of this post for you to check out!). This is something people these days don’t necessarily value as much or take the time to grow and cultivate for themselves. I know for myself it’s a big part of my everyday happiness, and I work hard to encourage the relationships that mean the most to me. Some we may grow away from or be forced to move away from, but they are all important at different stages in life.

In each one of my life-stages so far, I have met some amazing women who make up my support system, or tribe if you will. The groups change and sometimes fall out of touch but they all have made an impact on my life. I know many of them would jump right back into those rolls for me again – today if possible. I like to be picky when picking my friends. “Quality over quantity” they say. When I find a good friend with whom I take turns, encouraging and lifting up one another, I make sure they know it!

 

Some different groups I have found my kindred spirits include

-High School (It was ALL GIRLS! Go Cubs!!)
-College (Of course these ladies were important, its where I became a grown up)
-Army Wives (This is a group that, for sure, I was and still am very proud to be a member. If anyone knows how to support other women, it’s these girls!)
-Stay-at-home moms (I miss my “Wine Wednesday” play groups)
-Bus stop moms (I cried this year when my first baby got on the bus – hugs all around!!)
-FAMILY (We are born with this group, and some are definitely better at being supportive than others. I feel truly blessed when considering mine)

I just want to remind everyone how important these women are to our happiness. Remember to be thankful for them and work for your happiness by seeking out amazing women to be apart of your tribe. Return that favor and be a great tribe member in return. Know that you can distance yourself from those who don’t practice that “give and take” with you. You won’t have anything to give if all the other woman does it take. That’s where being picky about picking those in your tribe comes into play.

Look for a follow up on some cool tips for capturing your tribe. Mom Dating, I like to call it.

 

In the Absence of a Village, Mothers Struggle Most <— Here is that other blog I was referencing.

The Benefits of Connecting with Your Kids

These little people we have in our lives are amazing blessings. It’s hard to remember that when they are driving us crazy by challenging boundaries, or when work and other life stresses take our attention. Here is where the benefits of connecting with them during stronger, happier moments can be very helpful. Connection strengthens the bond. So, when you or your child have a weak or difficult moment, making one of these connections can sometimes make it easier or quicker to navigate the moment.

 

Tantrum Recovery-

I love to talk to my kids about nature all the time. We play ‘I Spy’ with birds, squirrels, and flowers. Sometimes when my daughter has a hard time riding in the stroller, I get her going with a good game of ‘I Spy’. It takes her mind off her current troubles and back to that fun moment from another time when we were spotting wildlife, or even mail boxes and trash cans if you need to get creative. I do this in the house when she might need a redirection as well. I use the windows for nature ‘I Spy,’ or even just remind her what toy we had the most fun with when we last played, turning her attention to that object.

Good Memories-

Would you rather remember listening to screaming children while making dinner until you are ready to pound a few glasses of wine, or be able to enjoy that wine slowly after having a fun dance party while cooking dinner? Sometimes they want and need our attention at the most inopportune times. I’ve been in both situations, and trust me, the dance party situation is way better. Sometimes the dance party might not work. So, the wine is there and we go back to try better for tomorrow.

Independence Building-

Taking a moment to work with your child while learning a new skill is another great way to connect. Shoe tying, toilet scrubbing, sock matching or even golf ball cleaning. My husband is a huge golf guy and he loves to clean his golf clubs. Sometimes it’s not the easiest thing to do with the kiddos hanging around wanting to help. He taught my son, and now my daughter, how to scrub the golf balls and even polish up some of the clubs. So, now, they can help him with his hobby. Start small and maybe your hobby can grow to be one of your kid’s hobbies; and, if that’s not a connection, I don’t know what is!

When kids are struggling with change-

Last year I was doing a lot of babysitting. I had 3 extra babies in my house during different days of the week. My youngest being not yet 2 at the time was still a baby herself. They needed a lot of my attention. My oldest was 4 and he had to either be helpful or play on his own a lot. He is amazing, but the change did wear on him. He was used to having way more of my attention and he started acting out a bit. So, I started giving him extra snuggles after story time each night. He could talk to me, hug me and have me all to himself. Sometimes this was super hard because I would be exhausted, but he needed it and so did I.

I’m sure there are many more examples of and benefits to connecting with your kiddos. I’ve put together 4 of my favorite connection strategies to get you started. Please feel free to share any times you felt you made a great helpful connection, or, if you struggle in this area, ask away! I’ll do my best to give helpful ideas!

 

PS: Here is an affiliate link to one of my favorite books about connecting and talking with your kiddos! (won’t cost you any extra but would help me out if you shop)