The way to catch new tribe members can be broken down into 4 steps.
Places to Fish (Extroverts/ Introverts)
Testing the Waters
Hooking Them In
If you haven’t already read my first article My Tribe: An Introduction <—— Look here!
Places to Fish
When and where can you search for new ladies to be apart of your tribe? I tend to think this will be quite different depending on your personality type. Extrovert vs. Introvert. So, its broken down here into two categories.
Ya’ll are mostly easy. Really anywhere you go can be a possible pool of ladies to fish from. Your workplace, kids school events, bus stop moms, neighbors, the library, the family sitting next to you at the beach…you get the idea. Just be sure to extend your reach to the introverts quietly waiting to join in.
It gets a little more complicated for you but still is totally possible. You can cast a line in all those same places, it may just take longer for you to find the right fit or have one of those extroverts reel you in.
One way that doesn’t involve the initial face to face contact include Facebook Mom groups or other similar interest Facebook groups. When I was a brand-new Army wife, at a new duty station, and three states away from home; these groups were amazing. They got me started. A lot of times they have group meet-ups in public places or you can even just take your time and chat through messenger. Another way to expand your tribe could be meeting a new person through a mutual friend or tribe mate. Sometimes it’s easier to start new when that lady has already been caught and vetted by a trusted tribe mate.
Here is another mom blog. She has some great tips for introvert moms!! <——————— Click to Read!
Once you have found a likely new tribe mate, start to chat about any common interest you can find in each other. Usually for us Moms the easiest and most available topic is our kids! Now that my oldest rides the bus I can chat with the other moms at the bus stop. Before then I had to break the ice with questions about where to send him for school, or what local activities would get us out of the house.
Other topics could be about your neighborhood or pets! One day, back in the army life, a girl called out to me as I was out walking my dog and son in our neighborhood. She was out walking her dog and needing to have that mom tribe connection. I grabbed her name, Facebook “friended” her and ta-da, our friendship began.
When I was a brand-new army wife, pregnant and knowing nothing and no one (could have called me Jon Snow hehe), I turned to the Facebook groups as I mentioned earlier. In one of the mom groups I had been chatting with someone and we got on well enough we decided to go have a pregnant pedicure date. Our babies were born less than a month apart and those boys were first friends!!
Testing the Waters
Sometimes you may know right away! “This lady is amazing, I want her in my life.” Sometimes we must scope out things or test the waters if you will. You want to see if she could be a good fit for your tribe. Finding if you have common interests is something I have already mentioned. Common parenting styles is another very important thing to look for. Someone capable of that give and take friendship dance in your tribe. Ways to test the waters could be: taking a nice walk and talk, invitations to play in outside common areas with the kiddos, play groups, or truly anywhere you can experience each other.
For those introverts out there, Facebook messages and texting can be a great way to do this. I’m sure there is probably a mom dating app out there somewhere already. Maybe I’ll strike it big and create my own!
Sometimes you get the vibe that its not going to work out for the positive and being around this person might be more drama and heartache than its worth. That’s when you distance yourself and try again the next time with someone new. I always try to give people a chance but I am a strong believer in boundaries and keeping my life as positive as possible. It’s OK to say no to someone if they don’t jive with you or your kiddos for that matter.
Hooking Them In
Once you have made that contact, moved through the getting to know you phase, and decide they are worth it, just keep up to communication. Invite her to events like Wine Wednesday afternoons, kid’s birthday parties and other play dates. Being yourself is very important. You want these new tribe mates to feel comfortable and make you feel the same in return. The best way to do that is to be you! Plan some fun things around those common interests you have found or let your trust in your new tribe mate lead you on some new experiences and adventures! When “asked out” by one of these new ladies whom I want to learn about, life with its timing can sometimes be off putting and I have to say no. Even though I may not be able to make it to play group or morning walk I make sure to tell them to keep asking me! I’m not saying no because I don’t want you in my Tribe, its just bad timing.
Here is my current and favorite planner for writing down my “To Do” list every day, making all my play groups, and mom dates! It has lots of space on each weekly page and a large monthly calendar. Plus the design on the front is so pretty!!!