Being a mom is one of those stages of life where you will needand want a certain level of support that is very different from your childless days. You need fellow women to help build you up, support you with listening ears, and caring words of advice. These women will be raising their children next to you! Their kids will be playmates with your kids. This kind of mom connection will be enriched even more when it is with someone you like on a personal level as well and not just a “mom” level. But you might think how do I find these people? How do I get myself out there? Read on for my 4 steps for How to “Catch Your Mom Tribe- Mom Dating.
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How to “Catch Your Mom Tribe can be broken down into 4 steps.
Places to Fish (Extroverts/ Introverts)
Testing the Waters
Hooking Them In
1. Places to Fish to Catch your Mom Tribe
When and where can you search for new ladies to be apart of your tribe?This will be quite different depending on your personality type. Extrovert vs. Introvert. So, it’s broken down here into two categories.
Y’all are mostly easy. Anywhere you go can be a possible pool of ladies to fish from. Your workplace, kids school events, bus stop moms, neighbors, the library, the family sitting next to you at the beach…you get the idea. Just strike up a conversation, find something in common besides the kiddos and you are off to the races.
Be sure to extend your reach to the introverts quietly waiting to join in. This is so important! Those ladies need you. Sometimes it only takes a little coaxing to ge them out of their shell but others you have to be persistent.
It gets a little more complicated for you but still is totally possible. You can cast a line in all those same places. It may just take longer for you to find the right fit or have one of those extroverts reel you in.
One way that doesn’t involve the initial face to face contact includes Facebook Mom groups or other similar interest Facebook groups. When I was a brand-new Army wife, at a new duty station, and three states away from home; these groups were amazing. They got me started. A lot of times they have group meet-ups in public places or you can even just take your time and chat through messenger.
They even have apps now that are just like dating service for finding mom friends and play dates for your kiddos. It seems crazy but couldnt hurt to try it out if you are struggling to really make a connection. It is called Peanutand they say “It makes it easy to meet chat and learn from like mided women.”
Another way to expand your tribe could be meeting a new person through a mutual friend or tribemate. Sometimes it’s easier to start new when that lady has already been caught and vetted by a trusted tribemate. It can be hard to break into an already tight group of ladies but hang in there, be supportive, caring, fun and they will have to break that chain to let you in!
Once you have found a likely new tribe mate, start to chat about any common interest you can find in each other. Usually, for us Moms, the easiest and most available topic is our kids! Now that my oldest rides the bus I can chat with the other moms at the bus stop. Before then I had to break the ice with questions about where to send him for school, or what local activities would get us out of the house.
Other topics could be about your neighborhood or pets!
One day, back in the army life, a mom called out to me as I was out walking my dog and son in our neighborhood. She was out walking her dog and really needing to have a mom tribe connection. I grabbed her name, Facebook “friended” her and ta-da, our friendship began.
When I was a brand-new army wife, pregnant and knowing nothing and no one (could have called me Jon Snow hehe), I turned to the Facebook groups as I mentioned earlier. In one of the mom groups I had been chatting with someone and we got on well enough we decided to go have a pregnant pedicure date. Our babies were born less than a month apart and those boys were first friends!!
3. Testing the Waters of your new Mom Tribe
Sometimes you may know right away! “This lady is amazing, I want her in my life.” Sometimes we must scope out things or test the waters if you will. You want to see if she could be a good fit for your tribe, for you life. You want someone who will take turns with the give and take in a rich friendship.
Finding if you have common interests is something I have already mentioned and common parenting styles is another very important thing to look for.
Someone capable of a give and take friendship dance in your tribe. Ways to test the waters could be: taking a nice walk and talk, invitations to play in outside common areas with the kiddos, playgroups, or truly anywhere you can experience each other.
For those introverts out there, Facebook messages and texting can be a great way to do this. Don’t forget that mom dating app I mentioned earlier, Peanut. There is another blog post I found when researching Peatun- 5 Best Apps to Meet Mom Friends.
Sometimes you get the vibe that it’s not going to work out.
Being around this person might be more drama and heartache than its worth. That’s when you distance yourself and try again the next time with someone new. I always try to give people a chance but I am a strong believer in boundaries. I want to keep my life as positive as possible. It’s OK to say no to someone if they don’t jive with you or your kiddos for that matter.
You could also be the one making all the effort and getting nothing in return. The best reaction to this would be to ask! Do you want to keep haning out or no? I say this because I am a busy lady and totally have mom brain! I forget or get caught up in the business of life and that is usually my reason. Worst that can happen is they so- “no you are not my bag of apples lady!” snd the best is “Yes of course I want to keep hanging out! I just got caught in a busy cycle.”
4.Hooking Them In- Building that Mom Tribe
Once you have made that contact, moved through the getting to know you phase, and decide they are worth it, just keep up to communication. Invite her to events like Wine Wednesday afternoons, kid’s birthday parties and other play dates. It is easier to do if you see her on a regual basis- like every morning at the bus stop or afternoons at school pick up.
Being yourself is very important.
You want these new tribe mates to feel comfortable and make you feel the same in return. The best way to do that is to be you! Plan some fun things around those common interests you have found. Let your trust in your new tribe mate lead you on some new experiences and adventures!
When “asked out” by one of these new ladies, life with its timing can sometimes be off-putting and I have to say no. Even though I may not be able to make it to playgroup or morning walk I make sure to tell them to keep asking me! I’m not saying no because I don’t want you in my Tribe, it’s just bad timing.
Being a mom today it is so important to have support from all sides. Parenting is a crazy ride. Family and Husband can be amazing support but there is something so real about having someone so close to your own situation. I hope you have success in your next attempt at mom dating! Get out there and Catch Your Mom Tribe!!!!
Here is my current and favorite planner for writing down my “To Do” list every day, making all my playgroups, and mom dates! It has lots of space on each weekly page and a large monthly calendar. Plus the design on the front is so pretty!!!
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I am a mom of two sweet kiddos. One boy who is 6 and one girl who is 3. Before kids, I was a Kindergarten teacher. My purpose here is to build a positive place for Moms (or any parent for that matter) to learn, share and support each other in our life quest for Happiness!